9 Days.

Almost three in the morning, and I still can't sleep. I'm currently in Boston accompanying my sister. When they saw each other, she started to cry and I didn't know what to do so naturally, I cried too. It reminded me of the time I met with Jonathan in front of the Flushing library. What would I do if I could not cry? There just isn't much to do besides crying where there is this sense of sadness that lingers and refuses to go away.

I'm about to finish Mark Haddon's A Spot of Bother (excellent book, but it does not compare to The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time). A part of it reminded of this time in seventh grade when a group of us were sitting at a table listening to an audio tape. My feet were overlapping Manny's for whatever reason, and the entire table accused me of liking him. So trivial now looking back, but at the time I did cry so much that Warren thought someone had slapped my cheeks. One time I puked inside my sleeves and in my hands because I was too afraid to puke on the streets. I was afraid of what people might think. Why do I care so much?

Mom thought Christmas was an appropriate day to show me this clip that she had recorded of children in Kenya- children dying from starvation and disease. Needless to say, I ended up bawling (because that is what I do) and when I was done crying, I finally started to pack for Ghana. I am not expecting to save children when I go to Africa; I am not that naive or idealistic. To be completely honest, I think that I am the one who is going to be saved.

I'm ready for Ghana. NINE DAYS.

But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it is

I am at a point in my life where I am in desperate need of a change. As much as I adore New York City, I need to leave it. I need to escape the crowded streets and the rush of the people. This city is all that I have ever known, and there is an undeniable desire within me that wants to fly away. I am an individual that is usually bursting of energy and optimism, and the city is steadily taking that away from me. I know, for a fact, that studying abroad in Ghana will inspire the most incredible change in my life. When I go to Ghana, I will see a completely different world. I will be scared at first, and I will want to come home to familiarity. In time, I will adjust to my environment. I will learn the ways of a foreign culture, and fall in love with it. I will meet people that I would never meet in the city, and they will teach me lessons that I simply cannot learn from a textbook. I know the five months will pass by incredibly quick, and when I return to New York City I will tell my family and friends about my amazing trip. I will also tell everyone that they should all go see the world and how beautiful it is.

15 more days and I leave for Ghana.

If I got a dollar for every time I get asked, "Why Ghana?" I would be pretty damn rich now. Here's the real question: Why not? Too many people think that I am crazy for going to Africa instead of Florence or London, but I honestly believe that Ghana is the one site that will give me the experience that I cannot get anywhere else. I almost feel bad for those who feel bad for me because they do not understand.

Before I submitted my essay for the Gilman scholarship, I wanted Jason to edit it. The essay was about why I chose Ghana, problems I faced while applying for Study Abroad, and my expectations of the trip. What Jason gave back to me was completely different from what I had originally wrote. He told me that my answers were too "idealistic" and he was worried that the readers would think I was too naive.

However, I stuck to my gut. The beginning of this post is how I concluded my essay, and I won the scholarship.

A random thought: Odd how much I see my mom considering the fact that I am a commuter student, and all I want to do before I leave is maximize my time with her.

15 days seem too long and at the same time, it feels like it is not enough time. There is so much I want to do before I leave, but tomorrow is a start. Lunch with Sam, movie and dinner with Abbey and Michelle.

Chances are I will still write on this even if no one reads.